Mere Immortals
by CampbellMay
Summary: Edward will do whatever it takes to protect Bella's humanity. But when someone forces his hand, will he bite her or watch her die?
1. Prologue

AN: After the style of _Twilight_, I've decided to include a scene from the ending to start us off with. Keep in mind that it's just a prologue, and that the rest of the story is not going to be nearly this angst-ridden.

**Prologue**: Bella's Ultimatum

I was pacing. I kept insisting to myself that I could stop anytime I wanted, but I also knew that the more momentum I built up, the harder it would become to still myself. In spite of this, I swivelled on my heel and stalked back to the other side of the room, a look of intense brooding gripping my features.

I wasn't looking at him, but I could practically feel Edward's brows rise in amusement as his eyes followed me back and forth, as if he were following a tennis match in slow motion. I could tell he was trying to refrain from making a comment, but I knew he found far less enjoyment in being polite than he did in teasing me.

"Bella," he said finally, his voice a gentle reproof. He was lying sprawled out on the couch, but he rolled onto his side and propped himself on his elbow in order to face me. "You're pacing again, darling."

I stopped only long enough to flash a glare at him. I knew full well that any lingering glance between us would banish any and all contrary thoughts in my head, and I wasn't finished being contrary just yet.

"And I was trying to be so subtle about it," I replied, my tone a little frostier than I had meant it to be.

The amused glint left his eyes and he sat up, fixing me now with a concerned look that made me want to shake him. He reached for me, but I spun away and resumed my journey to the opposite end of his room, fully aware that it was his unshakable patience – rather than my killer reflexes (ha ha) – that had allowed me to escape his grasp.

"_Bella_," he said, the gentle firmness in his voice edged with exasperation. "Now you're pacing _and_ snapping at me. Are you going to tell me why you're angry, or do you plan to plague me with passive-aggression until I go mad? Because let me tell you, it's beginning to work."

I felt a prick of guilt at his words, and was finally able to make myself stand still long enough for the momentum of my pacing to dissipate. After a brief pause, I crossed the room and plopped down beside Edward, feeling quite apologetic but unable to bring the apology to my lips just yet.

Sensing my surrender, he reached out with a wary hand and deftly slipped it into mine, so that I hardly noticed the invasion of my personal space. I gave a small smirk, remembering how he had once told me that when we were together, there was no such thing as _personal_ space – only _our_ space.

"There was a time, not so long ago, when you told me everything," he said softly, artfully adding a tinge of hurt to his voice.

"I still do," I replied faintly, distracted by the little patterns his fingers had begun sketching on the sensitive underside of my forearm. His fingers stilled and he lifted his hand to my chin, forcing my eyes to meet his.

"Bella, surely I have expressed to you with profound clarity how very difficult it is to be barred from your thoughts? I don't imagine there are two people on this planet more closely entwined than the two of us, and yet you are the one person I cannot decipher. You must understand, reading minds is, quite literally, a sixth sense to me, just like sight or smell, and when I can clearly see that you are angry but I have no way of knowing why, it's as if you've – " He paused, trying to think of something to equate the feeling to. "There's not even a decent metaphor to describe it!" He got to his feet abruptly, shoving all ten of his fingers through his hair. "My God, Bella, sometimes you make me feel like a cripple!"

The thought of Edward Cullen being crippled in any way was simply absurd, and before I could catch it, a soft snort of laughter ecaped from my nose. He whirled on me, his face livid. "Oh, it's funny to you? I get that you're mad at me, but could you have just a little sympathy?"

I got to my feet as well, catching him by the arm and pressing my other hand to his chest in order to placate him. I made my tone kind and supportive, feeling guilty for laughing at his frustration. "Chill out, Cullen, okay? I was laughing because the thought of you as a cripple is possibly the most ironic thing I've ever heard. And I'm not mad at you. No, really, I'm not," I persisted, seeing the retort on his lips. "It's just been a lot to handle. I never questioned my own mortality before now, and the thought of you visiting me in a nursing home, more out of duty than of love, still as beautiful and young as the day we met…it's a lot to stomach, Edward. Wait, I'm not finished," I attempted to maintain my control of the conversation, anticipating another interruption from Edward. I really, really hadn't wanted to bring this up, but now that I had, I knew it wouldn't be over until it was over.

"Bella, you might be human, but your nursing home days are still very far away. We don't have to think about this right now," he interrupted stubbornly, obviously keen to change the subject. I shook my head sadly, unable to look at him.

"I love you, Edward. I never knew I could love like this. We have the kind of love that they carry on about in poetry and tragic tales of star-crossed lovers that cling to each other to the grave. But here's the thing: I'm the only one headed towards a grave here. Even with a love as big as ours, do you honestly think you'll shiver with desire when I've got gray hair and wrinkles and spider veins? Do you seriously believe you'll burn with passion when I wear diapers and forget your name?"

I was impressed with the confidence in my voice. I had rehearsed these words over and over in my head, but they always came out all wrong.

No more time for rehearsal now.

He wasn't crying – for all I knew he didn't have the ability – but the sight of his red-rimmed eyes was far more powerful than tears. He swallowed hard as he stared me down. By the look on his face, he'd been battling with these very same thoughts.

"I will love you to the ends of the Earth and back," he bit out forcefully, taking another hard swallow. "I will love you until someone finally rips me to shreds and burns my flesh until I'm nothing but a black scar of ash on the earth."

My vision blurred, but I held back the sob threatening to bubble out of my throat. "I know. You think I don't know that, Cullen? You will love _me_, fresh, prime-of-her-life Bella, full of optimism and energy. But when that's gone – and it will be, sooner than you realize – you will look at me and grieve for what I was. You will wish you had made a different choice."

There was a thick silence between us as he struggled with his thoughts, a silence that seemed to constrict around my lungs and trap my breath inside.

"God help me, I can't do this to you, Bella."

I gave a shuddery breath and took a step away from him.

"Then you don't love me as much as you say you do," I muttered cruelly, willing to say anything to change his mind. My words had the intended effect, and his tiger-like eyes flared with grief and anger.

"It's _because_ I love you that – "

"Edward, growing old with you will hurt me much, _much_ worse. If you can't spare me that pain, then I can't stay with you. I can't let you see me like that. I'll go find the man I'll be second happiest with, the man who will get sunspots and arthritis with me, and we'll face the end of our lives _together_."

"Stop! Christ, Bella, just stop it. I can't hear this."

He sounded so broken that it was all I could do not to fall into his arms and beg him to forget I ever said anything. But if I gave up now, I knew I'd never have the courage to bring this up again. And Edward _needed_ to hear this.

"You know that you're the only one I'd ever let change me. I would only ever change if I had your full support, because God knows I'll need it on the other side," I paused to let that sink in before continuing. "I _need_ you to do this for me."

He met my eyes then, the combined rage, agony, and torment in his gaze stealing the breath from my lungs once more. For a moment, he allowed me a glimpse of the battle taking place inside of him. If he refused to do as I asked, there was the terrifying possibility that I would follow through with my threat and leave him, shattered and alone once again. If he agreed, he was, in his mind, murdering the Bella he had originally fallen in love with, taking away my mortality and replacing it with a cursed, half-existence that I couldn't possibly want if I could fully understand what I would become.

I was betting on him to be selfish. He had always said he was too weak to stay away from me, even if it was for my own good; he better not back out on that now.

He finally met my eyes. I felt myself come apart as I read his answer on his face before it ever reached his lips.


	2. Beautiful Torture

AN: This story started for me as more of a writing exercise than a fanfic, so there might not be a great deal of plot involved. The exercise was originally meant to practice writing character emotions more effectively, and so a lot of this story will be spent exploring Edward and Bella's relationship. If you're looking for something action-packed, this is not the fic for you. If you are partial to fluff, angst, fighting, making out, teasing, sarcasm, and things of that nature, read on, and let me know what you think! I know reviewing is a pain in the butt (as is being begged for reviews), but if you do, I'll be your best friend. Hee. :D

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**Chapter One**: Beautiful Torture

An unusual beam of morning sunlight sliced into the dark room through the dusty, half-open blinds, casting glittering stripes over the smooth planes of Edward's face. He smiled invitingly at me as I reached out to touch his radiant skin, my finger tracing a path from the dip in his collarbone, over his Adam's apple and past the hinge of his jaw, letting it disappear into his hair. I watched in appreciation as his eyes fluttered closed at my touch, his lips parting slightly.

I didn't think I would ever get tired of waking up next to Edward Cullen.

As it usually tended to do, his unmitigated perfection struck at me before I could anticipate it. I watched his face as a familiar pang of unworthiness pulled at my heart. I honestly didn't deserve him.

"You're giving me that look again," he interrupted my thoughts, his voice low and sweet.

"What look?" I asked innocently, plucking imaginary lint from the collar of his mostly-unbuttoned shirt in an attempt to avoid his eyes.

"_That_ look," he said sternly, pushing up on his elbow and leaning in, his hand reaching out to touch my sleep-ridden hair.

I tried to reply, but speaking became something of a challenge as I felt one of his knees burrow and nestle itself between my thighs. He was now crowding me somewhat, twisting a strand of my hair around his index finger, his cool breath causing my skin to prickle with heat. I shivered involuntarily as I felt his lips against my ear. "You are exquisite," he whispered, with such intensity in his voice that I completely forgot why it mattered, whether I deserved him or not. Silly thing to dwell on, really. When someone like Edward the man-god falls madly in love with you, you don't pause to ask Fate why.

I sighed softly, a line of Poe coming to mind. "_And this maiden, she lived with no other thought than to love and be loved by me_," I recited quietly, the corner of my mouth quirking as I caught Edward's eye. Instead of grinning back, his expression grew dark.

"Jesus, Bella, of all poems to compare our relationship to," he grumbled, his jaw tensing.

"What's wrong with it?"

He shook his head and refused to answer, though I knew Poe's _Annabel Lee_ well enough to know why he found this particular poem so distasteful when it came to us.

"Oh, Edward, don't be so morbid," I chided, giving his shoulder a playful push. "It's just a stupid poem."

He relented with a smile, running his thumb over my bottom lip as he murmured, "_And neither the angels in heaven above, nor the demons down under the sea, can ever dissever my soul from the soul of the beautiful Annabel Lee."_

All I could do was grin rather stupidly after that. He shifted slightly, reminding me of the hard thigh he had lodged between my much softer ones. I grew very still, closing my eyes as I tried desperately to push away the powerful tug of longing that had rather resolutely planted itself in the pit of my stomach. It was really rather horrifying, the amount of strain chronic sexual tension could put on a body. I felt a flash of resentment at the reminder that by refusing to make us equals, Edward was, for all intents and purposes, sentencing me to lifelong celibacy. Among other things.

Why did everything have to be so complicated when it came to Edward?

I decided that if celibacy was, indeed, what he had in mind, he hardly deserved thanks from me. I wriggled away from him, attempting to push his knee away but having very little luck. He looked mildly entertained by my battle with his leg, watching me struggle a moment before sitting up and pulling me with an iron grip into his lap.

"Bella," he soothed, holding me securely in place despite my best efforts to extract myself from his firm embrace.

"Let go!" I ordered, though once he began to smooth his fingers over the nape of my neck it became next to impossible to put up an earnest fight.

"What are you thinking?" The demand was considerably softened by his gentle tone, and my anger at him had once again melted away. Damn him and his vampirical wiles.

"I'm thinking," I said cattily, pouting somewhat, "that sexual tension is going to kill me way before _you_ ever get the chance."

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Oh, honestly, Bella – "

"Don't you 'honestly, Bella' me! Immortality might cooled off _your_ sex drive, but I am a healthy young woman with – with – " I fumed, searching for the right word. "_Needs!_" I concluded, somewhat lamely.

He looked at me blankly for a moment. Then, unbelievably, he burst out laughing. My face grew hot with humiliation and anger, and I shot out of his arms, stalking over to the closet in search of my bathrobe.

"No, no, darling, I wasn't laughing at you," he consoled, getting up to follow me. His hand closed around my wrist, but I yanked it free.

"Don't," I grumbled, clumsily pulling on my bathrobe and throwing most of my weight against him in an attempt to push him out of my path. I ricocheted off the solid wall of his chest like a partially deflated beach ball, landing unceremoniously on my backside.

Today was not turning out to be a good day.

Edward gathered me in his arms like a rag doll, tugging my bathrobe off and dumping it onto the floor as he carried me back to bed.

"I was laughing," he continued, as if nothing had happened, "at the idea that immortality could diminish my quote-unquote 'sex drive,' as you so delicately put it."

I leaned against his chest, knowing that it was pointless to try and stay angry with him. I toyed with the drawstring of my pajama bottoms, pushing my lower lip out. "Of course not, you manly man," I agreed, with a grudging but good-natured chuckle.

He smiled and brushed his lips against my temple. "It isn't that. Bella, you must understand. A vampire's life _centers_ around lust. There's the bloodlust, obviously, and then there's…the other kind." Sensing the shyness in his voice, I grinned widely and waggled my eyebrows at him, enjoying his discomfort a little too much. After all, it wasn't everyday a girl caught Edward blushing. He gave me a reproachful look but went on. "Carlisle likes to joke that in the beginning, it's all about breeding and feeding."

"Isn't that sweet," I replied with no small amount of derision, raising an eyebrow. He rolled his eyes at me.

"I'm a vampire, Bella. What part of the phrase 'bloodthirsty reanimated corpse' translates as sweet to you?"

I gave an ironic half-smile. "Get over yourself, Cullen."

Edward laughed in spite of himself. I absently noted how closely his laughter resembled the pealing of church bells. "You really are a brat, you know that?" he replied, pinching my side playfully. I squealed and jerked away.

"I don't think that's the first time you've said so."

"Good. Just so long as we're clear. Now let's go back to the part where you were telling me what you were thinking."

I sighed. It really wasn't a topic I was eager to get back to. "What about after the beginning?" I stalled. "What happens to all that breeding and feeding?"

He shrugged casually. "One learns to manage it. The bloodlust is satisfied more easily, as you know, with the option of animal substitution. That option doesn't work so well with…the other type."

My lip curled in mock horror. "Thanks for _that_ image."

"All I'm saying is this. You've had to deal with sexual tension for a few months. I've been dealing with sexual tension for the past _century_ or so. They don't exactly post vampire personals in the Seattle Times, you see."

I sighed. "That's fair enough, I guess."

"Trust me Bella. There is hardly a moment where I'm _not_ thinking about what it would be like to…be with you. It's nothing short of excruciating."

I giggled, despite his solemn tone. "Perv."

"No kidding," he agreed, giving me a smile that reached his eyes.

"Let me get this straight. You are constantly fighting the overwhelming desire to drink my blood. You can't take your eyes off me for a second for fear of me tripping and dying. We can't have sex. You can barely kiss me without losing it. I'd say you're turning out to be quite the little masochist, cupcake."

Instead of getting angry, he smiled wistfully and pushed the hair back from my face. "You are beautiful torture, my love. I am helpless to resist."

"And yet there is such a simple solution," I muttered unkindly, unable to stop myself.

Edward sighed and got off the bed. He had told me a few weeks ago that he refused to further discuss the subject of biting me, and had so far kept his word. "Get dressed, I'm taking you to breakfast."

I sulked. "I'm not hungry."

"Yes, you are," he insisted, rummaging through my drawers and throwing a pair of jeans at me. "Put those on."

I scowled at him. "Would you quit bossing me around?"

Edward grinned slyly. "I think you like being bossed around."

My eyes narrowed. He wasn't half wrong, but he didn't need to know that. "Smug bastard," I groused, resignedly pulling on the jeans.

Without warning, an oversized sweatshirt and hairbrush came at me as well. I pulled the sweatshirt over my head and ran the brush – with great effort – through my sleep-tossed hair.

"Happy?" I asked, my arms outstretched in an invitation for him to appraise me. I was a complete mess.

"Very," he agreed, crossing the room and entwining his fingers into the hair at the nape of my neck, pulling me to him without warning.

Still feeling somewhat spiteful, I pressed myself against him, putting aside for the moment my total lack of experience. I wondered fleetingly if I could seduce him into biting me. It was unlikely, and he would hate me for doing it…but he would forgive me in time. We would have a lot more of it, after all.

His lips parted slightly against my own, and before he could dominate the kiss I caught his lower lip between my own, impulsively biting down on the cool, soft flesh in an effort to express my frustration.

My mouth absorbed his primal growl, and I trembled at the sound. I expected him to break away angrily, then, and I braced myself for the inevitable lecture about how easily he could kill me.

Instead, he pushed me back onto the bed, pressing me into the mattress with an overwhelming strength. I whimpered softly as he seized my wrists and pinned them with one hand above my head. I knew then that he was losing his grip on his unbreakable control, for he was devoting much less attention my human fragility. I suppose I should have been frightened, but instead my body thrummed with excitement as I returned his bruising kisses with equal savagery.

His free hand traveled down my side, squeezing my upper thigh. I reflexively arched against him, our bodies making full contact. With an agonized groan, he ripped his mouth away from mine and was at the other side of the room so suddenly that my mind reeled.

"God_dammit_, Bella, what the hell is wrong with you!"

I just stared at him, utterly stupefied, my pulse skittering unevenly. Blood roared in my ears as my body shook with adrenaline, my eyes unable to focus for a moment as I tried to comprehend what had just happened. As I began to catch my breath, an empty ache settled over me, causing a strangled sob to erupt from my throat.

Edward was staring at me with a mixture of hunger and terror, his eyes craving me with a power that stole my breath away.

"Edward," I croaked, struggling to regain control of my voice.

"I can't stay here," he muttered, his voice chillingly close to a snarl.

"Wait – " I called after him, but he had disappeared, gone so fast that I couldn't even tell which exit he had taken.

_Nice going, Bella_. I thought bitterly to myself. _Real nice_.


	3. Mirror, Mirror

AN: I want to thank everyone who has left kind words for me! I am so grateful for all of you that have shared your responses with me…it's the most pleasant thing to come home to after 8 hours with ten toddlers. :) You guys are great.

Oh, and I lied about the no-plot thing. I think we might have one now. Hooray!

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Little more than an hour passed before I heard my door creak open. I looked up from the book I was reading, rolling my eyes. "Ever heard of knocking?" But instead of Charlie like I had been expecting, it was Edward that stepped into the room, looking rather sheepish.

Without a word, he sat to face me on the bed, taking the book out of my hands and pressing his lips to my jaw, dragging them to a sensitive spot beneath my earlobe where his tongue darted out to taste my skin. All I could do was gasp and cling to him in response, my hands fisting in his clean t-shirt.

Without lifting his face from my neck, he began to apologize. "I'm sorry for shouting at you. I'm sure by now I don't have to explain that my anger was directed entirely at myself. It wasn't fair of me to – "

I tugged gently on his hair to bring us face to face, pressing my thumb against the seam of his lips, though he had already fallen silent. "Don't go taking all the credit, now. I was doing more than my share of provocation."

"Still," he muttered, pushing a bundle of soft cotton into my hands. "A peace offering," he explained. I held it up, smiling widely as I realized it was a t-shirt, one he had bought at a Beatles concert in the 60's, which I had frequently drooled over. I instinctively brought it to my nose and inhaled, delighted to find that he hadn't washed it.

"Thanks."

He glanced at my stereo, which I had tuned to the hip-hop station, then turned back to look at me, quirking an incredulous eyebrow. "What's with the gangster rap, Bella?"

I had forgotten it was on. I shrugged, grinning innocently. "It's my angry music."

"Ah," he responded, reaching over to turn it off. "Are you done being angry?"

"Yep," I assured him, pulling my sweatshirt over my head and replacing it with my peace offering/priceless collector's item/new t-shirt.

"It suits you," Edward commented, freeing my hair from the collar and smiling. There was a moment of silence in which we watched each other, his eyes drawing me in like a moth to the flame.

"Let's go somewhere," he said suddenly, tugging my hand until I stood up.

"Where?"

"I don't know. I hear it rains a lot in London. Or Nepal! They have monsoons."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Funny."

He sighed, curling a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "I wish we were free," he muttered, his voice so low that I could barely make out the words. I had a feeling he had not even meant to say it aloud.

I hadn't the heart to point out that he _had_ the power to make us free. Besides, I had promised him I was done being angry, and picking a fight was plainly in violation of that promise. "How about the movies? It's dark in there."

Edward gestured forlornly to the sunshine streaming cheerfully through the window. "I might cause a scene actually getting into the theater, though."

"We could go back to your place and shoot some pool," I suggested. I enjoyed spending time at the Cullen mansion. There was something about it that sometimes made me feel more at home there than I did at Charlie's place.

Edward shook his head. "It makes me nervous, being in an empty house with you."

"Don't be stupid, Edward."

He paused for a moment, so as not to make it look like he was giving in too easily. Then he conceded with a nod, throwing an arm over my shoulders as we left my room.

The Cullen home was silent when we arrived. I followed Edward into the finished basement, where the pool table was. Though I had been in this house several times, I found myself frequently amazed at how remarkably _human_ it was. With an expensive-looking entertainment center, pinball machines, a pool table and a well-stocked wet bar, the basement was typical of any nouveau riche American family.

"Okay. I'm ready to get my butt kicked big-time," I told Edward with resignation as he handed me a freshly chalked pool cue.

"Then I'm ready to do some kicking," he replied merrily, retrieving the balls and dropping them into the triangle. "I call stripes."

The game went quickly, as was to be expected with Edward as an opponent. The afternoon passed without incident, as if Edward and I were just two love-struck smalltown kids with nothing better to do. Which we were, in point of fact; though to be fair, the term "kids" only applied to one of us.

"So where are the rest of the Cullens on this fine afternoon?" I inquired casually, as Edward's eighteenth consecutive bulls-eye ended our second game of darts.

He swaggered over to pluck the darts off the board, clearly intending to do some more showing off. "Let's see. Carlisle is at the hospital. Esme, Alice, and Jasper are on a social outing with friends – "

"Vampire friends?" I interrupted, always curious about the vampire community.

"Have you ever known Jasper to befriend people with heartbeats? But yes, they are meeting with some old vampire friends of theirs who have expressed an interest in our lifestyle."

"Rosalie and Emmett?" I prodded, sighing hopelessy at the dart I had just planted into the drywall, at least six inches shy of the board.

Edward's face became grim, and he went to yank my deviant dart out of the wall before answering. "Rosalie left us. We don't know if she means it to be permanent or not; she didn't even tell Emmett. It was last week, I believe, and she simply didn't come home. Emmett is out looking for her."

My brow furrowed. "This happened last week? Why didn't you tell me?"

He shook his head and threw another dart dead-center. And I understood.

"She left because of me. That's why you didn't tell me, right?" I scowled and dropped onto one of the leather couches, my arms folded angrily. "What is her _problem_? I try to stay out of her way. I don't - "

"Bella, you musn't take it personally," Edward interrupted, trying to kill my rant before I built up any momentum. "It's me that she's mad at."

I could see that Edward knew exactly what Rosalie's problem with me was, but he simply didn't wish to go into it with me.

"What did _you_ do?" I prodded, anxious to learn the source of Rosalie's hateful treatment. I didn't cope well when people despised me for no reason.

"I fell in love with _you_," he said simply. "You see, Rosalie stakes much of her self-worth on being the _most_ beautiful. Satisfaction, to her, is being able look around a room and see that she is, without a doubt, the most stunning woman there."

"A 'mirror, mirror' complex?" I suggested with a small smile.

"That's a good way to put it. Luckily for us, Rosalie has never been supplanted as the Fairest One of All. But it eats at her, that I chose you to love. You remember me telling you that she was originally intended for me?"

I nodded, trying to understand what that had to do with Rosalie hating me. After all, Edward himself had said that their relationship had always been strictly platonic.

"It didn't bother her then, that I was not attracted to her, because at the time I was not attracted to anyone. But then you came, and I had feelings for you that she had never been able to rouse in me. It infuriates her that a human would be able to outdo her at _anything_. Like I said, it isn't personal."

I mulled over this for a moment, chewing on my lip. It made sense, I figured. But an explanation didn't make it any easier to be hated by a member of Edward's family.

"I still don't understand why she left."

Edward shrugged, putting the darts away and coming to sit beside me. "It's become sort of a power struggle, now. At first, I got the silent treatment from her. Then she demanded that I get rid of you, or she would leave Forks altogether. When I didn't respond to the threat, she involved Carlisle, insisting that it would have to be me or her. But Carlisle would never blatantly cast out one of his flock, so she translated that as him choosing me over her. She doesn't like to give in. She would _never_ admit being wrong. Emmet even calls her 'the Bulldog' behind her back."

I shook my head, guilt pulling at me. "I'm really sorry, Edward. I hate to think I –"

"Stop it, Bella. This is Rosalie's fault. You have nothing to do with it, understand?" Edward insisted, pressing his mouth to the back of my hand. I nodded, though I still felt immense responsibility. After all, not even Edward could argue that life would have been much simpler for the Cullens if I had never come to Forks.


	4. The Unconditions of Love

AN: I know this chapter is somewhat short, but it's kind of building up to some action. Thanks again to those of you who have reviewed, or added this story to your alert/favorite list! You guys have me checking my e-mail every five minutes, lol. Y'all are great.

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It was sunset, and Edward had courteously remembered my still-functioning digestive system. He drove me to the Marrakesh Express for take-out, which we brought back to his still-empty mansion.

I hopped onto one of the stools at the island in the Cullen kitchen, opening my boxes of take-out with a look of bliss on my face. If Edward ever bit me, there would be few things I would miss more than food.

"Let's watch a movie," I suggested, struggling in vain to trap a few slippery noodles between my chopsticks.

Edward smirked and handed me a fork, which I accepted with resignation, going back to twist the noodles around my fork Italian-style. "I've got just the thing," he said, and back down to the basement we went.

'Just the thing' ended up being _Blade_, which Edward described as his favorite vampire movie ever, though I caught a hint of sarcasm as he continued, "No contest. Although _Dracula 2000_ and _Queen of the Damned_ come in at a close second."

"I can't wait," I told him, sucking a noodle into my mouth. "Sounds really appetizing."

"Depends on what you like to eat," Edward replied cheekily. I laughed, realizing it was the first time he'd really poked fun at his 'condition.' I was proud of him. It was good that he was learning not to take himself so seriously.

Edward put the DVD in the player and came to sit next to me on the couch, pulling me close and catching my earlobe between his teeth. My breath caught in my lungs, but I kept still, in fear of provoking him and ending our evening altogether. The previews began, but I couldn't seem to focus my vision as his lips brushed over my cheek, his tongue darting out to trace the corner of my mouth and then slide over my bottom lip with a laziness that infuriated me.

Still, I did not reach for him. I did not tangle my fingers in his hair and pull him down on top of me, as I so desperately wanted to. My skin ached for his touch, but the actual touching was far more painful. His fingers danced lightly over my arms, disturbing the tiny hairs and causing me to tremble against him. His mouth moved away from mine then, only to caress the shell of my ear with his lips as he fisted his hands in my hair.

I would explode if I could not touch him. I was filled with a scream that I couldn't release, and it clenched at my insides. I had to…I couldn't…

He pulled back suddenly and gave me a little shake, as if I'd been napping on his shoulder. "Oh, Bella, it's starting."

Men. It appeared that not even vampirism could defeat a man's instinctual love for the television.

I supressed the overpowering urge to cause him serious physical pain, knowing he would only laugh at me for trying. Instead, I gave a sigh that couldn't be mistaken for anything but exasperation, and turned my attention to the movie. As if I had any other choice.

The opening scene involved a vampire nightclub, hidden in some sort of meat-packing warehouse. At one point, blood spewed over the gyrating bodies from the emergency sprinklers on the ceiling, drawing a bark of laughter from Edward. "Now _that_ would be a great place for a date," he commented cheerfully, giving me a roguish grin that heated my face.

"No, thanks," I declined, playing along. "I'm not really big on the whole nightclub scene."

Edward sighed, weaving his fingers into mine. "Pity."

Upstairs, the front door opened and closed with a thud. "Someone's home," I said, somewhat unnecessarily.

Edward's brow furrowed, and he flipped the TV off. "It's Emmett," he said, sounding a little surprised. "Things did not go well."

"Anybody home?" came Emmett's voice from upstairs.

"Down here," called Edward, his expression unreadable. Emmett had news, and Edward clearly already knew what they were.

"I found her," said Emmett as he thundered down the stairs. He stepped into the basement. Spotting me, he stopped. "Oh. Hi, Bella."

"It's all right. I've told her what happened."

That was all the permission Emmett needed to plunge in. "I found her in Bremerton. She's mad as hell, Edward. I don't think she even remembers why. She was in such a rage, I tried to calm her down, but –"

"I know all this," interrupted Edward, his jaw flexing angrily at whatever Emmett had not said yet.

"I don't," I protested, stepping forward. "What's happening?"

"She means to kill you, Bella," Edward revealed, his voice flat and matter-of-fact.

My noodle dinner suddenly became lead in my stomach, and my limbs felt weak, as if I'd just stepped off a particularly violent roller coaster. I found myself wondering how it had come to this.

Emmett scratched the nape of his neck, looking like he was trying to look calm. "Well, I was going to leave that part out, but it's true. She told me she can't come home until Bella's dead. I've never…I've never seen her like this," Emmett paused to swallow as his voice faltered. "What's worse is that it really has nothing to do with you loving Bella anymore. To her, the fact that we all care about Bella is as if we've rejected Rosalie as a member of our family. It's a betrayal she will never – can never – forgive. There's no reasoning with her."

I still sensed that there was something unsaid as Edward continued to watch Emmett with quiet fury.

"And if it comes to it, you will side with Rosalie," Edward finally spoke, cutting to the quick. "You told her so, and you meant it."

Emmett winced at Edward's accusatory glare. The larger vampire looked crushed, defeated, as his eyes pleaded with Edward for empathy. "She's my wife, Edward. I would never harm Bella, but if the rest of you decide that Rosalie should die, I'll have to be in little pieces before before I let you," said Emmett, his voice calm but harsh. "She's my _wife_, Edward," he repeated desperately. "I love her."

After a long, painful pause, Edward nodded gravely. "I know that, Emmett, and I would never ask you to betray her. I love her, too, come to that, and I damn sure don't want her to die."

"She's too angry," sighed Emmett, shaking his head. "She's not in control of it anymore. It's controlling _her_."

Edward nodded and took my hand. "As you have witnessed yourself, we tend to experience emotions far more intensely than a human being might. It is easy to get lost in it, if you aren't careful. Rosalie has not been careful," Edward explained, squeezing my hand gently.

I gave a shuddery breath. "If you kill Rosalie because of me, I'll never forgive myself. _I'll_ die before I watch you murder a member of your family in my defense," I told Edward vehemently, sick with the image of the Cullens ripping Rosalie limb from limb. I shook my head violently to clear it.

"Don't say that," Edward hissed, forcing me to look at him. "_Nobody_ is dying. I'm calling Carlisle, and we'll sort this out. I know there's some part of Rosalie that will still listen to reason."

He took his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed Carlisle's number as Emmett and I looked on, somewhat helplessly.

"It's Edward. I need you to come home," Edward spoke into the phone, his face stony. Carlisle said something back, and Edward shook his head. "I wouldn't call you if it _wasn't_ an emergency. Please, there might not be much time – thank you. Okay. Okay. Bye."

Without looking up, Edward dialed another number, presumably Esme's, or perhaps Alice's. Both calls went straight to voicemail.

"Dammit," Edward whispered, dialing one last number and mumbling, "Come on, Jasper, you jackass. Pick up."

He did. "Jasper, It's Edward. Are you with the girls?" A pause. "I need all of you home, _now_." Another pause. "Godammit, Jasper, an hour? No, I know. Just get here as fast as you can."

He hung up to phone, looking back at Emmett and me. "The cavalry has been called in," he joked grimly, putting the phone on the coffee table. Emmett sighed, rubbing his hands together restlessly.

"Maybe I should take Bella somewhere safe," he suggested, looking around as if he expected to see a fallout shelter hidden somewhere in his basement.

"She's safest here," insisted Edward. "I can defend her better here."

Neither Emmett or I made any further argument, and we were all silent for several moments. There was a question that hadn't been asked, and I didn't want to be the one to ask it. I didn't want to know. I wanted to escape, I wanted to hide, to do anything but sit and wait for Carlisle – or Rosalie. Whoever got here first.

I leaned against Edward, squeezing his hand and whispering his name encouringly. He had to ask. We had to know.

Edward understood what I wanted, and he squeezed back, giving me a short nod. He looked at Emmett, his eyes full of vicious golden fire. "When is she coming?"

Emmett sighed, his body tensing a little. "She was right behind me. Twenty minutes, with any luck."

Edward nodded and pressed his thumbs against his eyes rubbing them hard and shaking his head. "Dammit," he murmured, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed hard. "Goddammit, Rosalie."


	5. Break

AN: Sorry this chapter took me a while, but I've been working 45 hr weeks at a daycare (as well as battling a cold/cough/sinus infection contracted from said daycare) so needless to say it's kinda hard to come home and do something with my brain.

Thanks again to all of you who have left encouraging words. Getting reviews is right up there with calorie-free chocolate and finding large bills on the street. :D Hope you guys enjoy this lovely visit from Rosalie…

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I was doing what I could not to panic. Edward sat beside me, his eyes alert and his posture solid. He kept muttering reassuring words, telling me I had nothing to worry about, but the way he was gripping my hand told me differently.

I shivered, imagining Rosalie, who was alarming enough when calm, in a blind rage. This situation would not end happily, no matter who triumphed, and all of us knew it.

"Come on, Carlisle," Edward hissed under his breath, untangling his hand from mine and rising to his feet. _Yes, Carlisle_, I agreed silently. Carlisle would sort this out. Everything would be just fine.

That is, if he arrived in time.

Emmett stood to join Edward, looking just as stoic, but for his tightly clenched fists. "I'm going to watch for her. I'll warn you when she gets close."

Edward nodded and I wrung my hands nervously. "Is there no place we can hide? Or run?"

Edward shook his head, pulling me to my feet and into his arms. Even now, his scent pushed away my other thoughts. "You've forgotten our sense of smell. You couldn't possibly hide anywhere on our property and not be discovered. If we ran, she would merely give chase, and I will tire faster carrying you. Her anger will only increase until she is able to resolve it – or we take her down," he told me softly. "I've been through the options over and over again, and sitting tight until Carlisle gets here is our best one."

I nodded, trusting him implicitly, but still frightened. Frightened of what the others would do to Rosalie, frightened of what Rosalie might do to get her hands on me. What if she wasn't coming here at all? She didn't necessarily know I was here – and what if she went after Charlie?

"Charlie!" I gasped, pulling out of Edward's embrace.

"She's coming straight here," Edward told me simply, and I relaxed. "She's doing a damn good job of blocking me, though. I can't tell where she is anymore."

"Why, she's right here," said a new voice, one that needed no introduction. Faster than I could comprehend, I was yanked away from Edward and pulled forcefully against Rosalie, who towered over me. Just like that, I was her hostage, for she hardly needed a gun to harm me. "Be very, very quiet, both of you. Make a sound and I might forget how soft her bones are." She demonstrated her meaning by pressing gently on the top of my head. "Like paper," she muttered, lightly testing the thickness of my skull.

Edward looked thunderstruck, as if even he couldn't believe how fast she had swept me away from him. "Rosalie, please, _please_, there is no need for this. Look what you're doing. _Think_ about what you're doing, _please_," he begged her, his voice softer than breath. The look of utter helplessness on his face was far more frightening than the knowledge of how easily Rosalie could end my life.

Rosalie smiled boredly at him, grabbing me by the hair and yanking my head back to expose my throat. "What can you possibly want with this worthless human, Edward? How can you possibly have a _fulfilling_ relationship with someone who breaks," she paused, pulling my knuckles to meet my elbow as if my arm was made of playdough," so easily?" Both bones in my arm split apart with a set of neat pops, and I screamed through my clenched teeth. For a moment I couldn't breath as my arm seethed with agony.

Somewhere amidst my panic and pain, I caught a glimpse of Edward. The ruthless beauty of his face made my heart catch even now, despite the despair and fury that clouded his features. He took a few steps forward, only to be halted by Rosalie's sharp command. "Stop," she ordered calmly, trailing a manicured fingernail over my throat. "Or it'll her flimsy little neck next."

Emmett must have heard me scream, because I could hear him thundering down the stairs.

"Oh, Rosalie, no!" he cried as he stepped onto the landing and saw what was going on. "What have you done?"

"You stay where you are, too. Unless you'd like to be responsible for Isabella's very painful death."

There was such rage in her that I could feel it rolling off her like hot lava from a volcano. I looked back to Edward for comfort, meeting his eyes reluctantly. His soul was in his eyes. The rage there contested Rosalie's, and I saw his eyes dart between mine and Rosalie's several times before he rushed at her, making a grab for me. I reached out for him, but Rosalie was too quick. She jerked me out of the way, and I felt several of my ribs cave in under her iron grip. I sagged, my body limp with pain, but Rosalie held me up with an arm around my chest.

"Rosalie, no! Oh, no, oh _God_, Bella," groaned Edward, his mind visibly working to conjure a new plan.

"You want to be more careful, Edward. She's so very fragile," taunted Rosalie, pulling up my shirt to reveal the hideous red and blue bruise forming on my side. I battled for breath, realizing that one of my lungs had been punctured, and it probably wasn't the only thing that had been. There was no doubt that I was bleeding internally, and if something didn't happen fast, I'd be a goner.

"Please, Rosalie, she'll die!" shouted Emmett, looking terrified at the fact that he wasn't in control of the situation. Edward's expression was frantic, savage. He looked ready to rip Rosalie in half, and there was no doubt in my mind that he was able.

"Yes, she will," sighed Rosalie, her voice a mockery of regret. She planted a knee into my back and bended me until my spine gave a sickening crack. My mouth opened to scream, but my punctured lung stifled it. Pain shot through me like electricity, but my legs hung uselessly, paralyzed. My mind reeled with it, adrenaline making me jittery as I clung to consciousness, my gasps shallow. Air. I needed air so badly.

"_Rosalie_!" A new voice thundered, though I was too delirious to know where it came from. Carlisle. Carlisle was here. Safety.

She dropped me and I collapsed, landing on my bad side with a sickening twist to my fractured vertebrae. I moaned softly as I felt Edward's cool hands grasp mine. It hurt. Everything hurt. I was going to die. I loved him so much. God, it hurt.

"No, no, God, no! Bella, please, not again, you can't do this to me again. Say something, you must speak to me, love," he demanded, his voice filled with tears though I knew he couldn't shed any. His voice strengthened my hold on consciousness, and I saw them all above me, Carlisle, Emmett, and Rosalie. Rosalie's eyes were wide with terror, shame and self-loathing. The rage was gone. Resolved. She turned, and was gone.

Carlisle's cool fingers probed at my stomach while Edward clung to my hand. I tried to breathe. Why couldn't I get any air?

"Her abdomen is rigid, she's bleeding internally. Probably four or five fractured ribs on her right side. The right lung is punctured, which is why she's having trouble drawing breath. Bella, can you speak?"

"Yes," I answered, my voice little more than a croak. I noticed that I had stopped hurting so much. The pain was ebbing away. "It doesn't hurt much."

"We need to get her to the hospital, Carlisle! Why the hell aren't you doing anything?"

"Edward, she's bleeding out. She needs major surgery, and by the time we get to the hospital – "

"No!" Edward shouted, loud enough return me to alertness. "No, you can fix this, Carlisle! We can fix it together. We'll do it here if we must."

"Edward – "

"Edward," I cut in, reflexively bringing my free hand to cover his. "Listen to me."

"Bella, shhh, hush, save your breath. You're going to be fine."

"Not if you leave me like this, I'm not," I gasped, panting laboriously, oddly aware of how close to death I hovered. Charlie once told me that a wounded person should only worry about dying when it didn't hurt – and it didn't. I couldn't feel my body at all, even the bits that weren't paralyzed. Just a ghastly tingling now and then. It really wasn't so bad.

Carlisle seemed to catch on. "You must bite her if you wish to save her," he told Edward, who had clearly realized this himself.

Edward's face was contorted with agony as his eyes darted frantically back and forth over my body, as if there was another way to fix me if he only thought hard enough. "Oh, Bella, Bella," he moaned, the words spoken like a plea, bringing my knuckles to his lips.

"We have a very restricted window of time here, Edward," said Carlisle, his voice soothing but strong. "You must make a decision very quickly."

"Please," I coughed, panicking at the suggestion that Edward still had a decision to make. Surely, _surely_ he would save me. "Don't let me die, Edward. I'm not ready to die yet."

A choked sob escaped his throat, and he leaned down to press a soft kiss to my mouth. "Never. I would never let you die," he promised fervently. Resolve triumphed over the devastation in his face as he kissed me again. Relief flooded through me as he ducked his head. He kissed a spot on my neck, just under my ear, before biting down hard.


	6. Catharsis

AN: Well, I must admit, I was pleasantly surprised at the response to Chapter 5…apparently the rest of you were looking for Bella to get bitten just as much as I was. :) As always, I appreciate all of you who took the time to review. You guys are great.

The good news is that I'm feeling much better, and it's the weekend, so I've been able to get a new chapter out in a timely manner. Hope you enjoy! – Campbell

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There were no fangs, as I had somehow anticipated - only the tearing of my skin under the crushing force of his jaw. At first it was pure ecstasy, every nerve in my body seeming to flare with devastating pleasure. His teeth remained fastened to my neck for what seemed like an eternity, when a heart-rending scream ripped from his throat and I watched foggily as Carlisle tore him away.

"That is enough," Carlisle barked vehemently to his adopted son, whose blazing amber eyes were wild with the taste of my blood. "Perhaps you ought to leave, Edward."

He was gasping for breath as he wiped his bloodied mouth on his sleeve, refusing to meet my eyes. He shook his head at Carlisle. "I'll be fine. I shouldn't leave her."

"In a few moments she won't know the difference," sighed the older vampire. Edward shrugged, but stayed put.

And then there was pain. Livid, gnashing pain that my mind couldn't begin comprehend. I could feel all of my injuries now, despite the fact that my spine was most thoroughly fractured. I writhed and twisted as the pain from the wounds on my flesh was pushed aside, swallowed, burned up by the terrible new sensation that had begun to fan out from my neck.

Edward's bite was alight with agony, the fiery pain spreading unremittingly over my face and shoulders. I was gagging-gasping-whimpering-trembling with pain. My throat clenched as I tried to scream, and the only sound that escaped was a thick gurgle. I retched and tasted blood, faintly registering that my stomach must have been among the organs breached by my crushed ribcage. I wanted to die. It was _time_ for me to die. Why wouldn't they just let me?

Then beautifully, miraculously, my mind seemed to detach itself from my body. I was still. The pain became part of me, and I a part of it. I was Nothing and Everything, Dead and Alive, Joy and Despair. But mostly, I was Pain.

"Her heartbeat is getting sluggish. Let's take her upstairs and make her as comfortable as we can."

I was lifted, carried. It was so very, very cold. So much fire, so much pain, this was certainly Hell. Then blackness. Beautiful, beautiful blackness.

As if in a fever, I began to drift in and out of consciousness. I woke up as I was being placed gently in a soft bed, three blurry people standing over me. Edward. Edward. _Edward!_ But he wasn't there.

"Ed – " I moaned, unable to form the 'W' with my numb lips.

"Hush, little one," came a soft, dulcet voice. The word 'Esme' floated around uselessly in my head as a cool hand stroked my forehead. "He's hunting for you. You will need to feed once it's over."

The words seemed to split themselves and fuse together randomly in my pain-torn mind, making them impossible to understand. I tried to shake my head, to indicate that I didn't comprehend, but it seemed an impossible feat for my fraught muscles.

The voices continued speaking, and slowly awareness crept over my weak consciousness. I was able to struggle against the heavy grip of Pain, strong enough to move my lips. I remembered that I was lying down. I remembered that someone was with me. I remembered that I was hurt. _Edward_. I remembered my name, and the names of the voices that were talking quietly above me. After a few moments, I remembered what had happened and where I was. The faces of Carlisle, Esme, and Jasper swam into focus. Carlisle seemed to notice that I was becoming lucid, for he came to sit on the bed. He had a look of fatherly concern on his face, and I found myself wondering if all of this meant that I had become a Cullen.

"Bella, can you understand me?"

"Edward? Where –" I demanded, though my voice was little more than a whisper.

"There isn't time. There are things you need to know before the pain takes you again," Carlisle insisted apologetically.

"Over?" I whimpered, my voice rigid with dread. I couldn't take anymore. _Death_. Please, please, just let me die. I want to die, can't you see?

"Not yet, Bella, but we're nearly there. Jasper has been absorbing a good deal of your pain, which is why you've been able to black out during some of it. Very soon now, the venom will reach your heart, and you will, in effect, die. After that, there will be no more pain. Not ever again."

I somehow found it in me to grin. "Good," I remarked.

"Indeed. As for Edward, Bella, he wants to be with you – "

"Hurts," I concluded. I had always known this would be hard for him. I prayed that he would still be able to love me. The thought him rejecting me caused a twist of pain in my gut that had nothing to do with his bite.

"Yes," agreed Carlisle, patting my hand. "But we're nearly through the worst of it." He thought I was referring to my own pain. I tried to shake my head, to ask Carlisle to send Edward reassuring words, but I was being dragged down again. Fingers of wicked, hideous pain peeled me apart, eviscerating me until I forgot what had happened, where I was, who I was, and most horribly of all, Edward.

Time lost meaning to me as my body was consumed by Edward's venom. I had begun to feel a strange hunger blaring from my mind rather than my stomach, something that was only satisfied when fingers lifted my chin and poured thick, warm blood down my throat. _Nearly there, my love, we're nearly there_, he kept whispering to me, his hand clenched around mine. _Drink this. It will make you strong until you can hunt for yourself._

I didn't know how many days had passed when I began to go cold, when the pain began to ebb away, when vision returned and I regained control of my nervous system. All I knew that everything about me was different. I was a stranger in my own body, and the sensation was hard to cope with.

Edward was there as I opened and blinked my eyes, pressing a cool kiss to my forehead as he sat down beside me on the living room couch.

"There you are, darling. How are you feeling?"

"Is it finished?" I asked, a little surprised by the smooth sweetness my voice had acquired. How much had I changed?

"Yes. You were so brave, my sweet," murmured Edward, kissing my knuckles. "Ah, you are so cold," he added in a whisper, clearly not intending me to hear. I hoped he didn't regret his decision.

"I must be a mess," I joked gently, imagining the state of my appearance after this whole ordeal.

His eyes met mine then, and he stroked my jaw with a forefinger. "Oh, Bella, and I thought you were beautiful _before."_ The subtle awe in his voice surprised me, and I reached up to touch my face. Nothing was out of place, but my skin felt like silk. I shakily got to my feet, stepping into the half bath nestled beneath the stairway and looking into the mirror.

It was essentially the same face, but every feature I possessed had somehow been heightened, intensified. The new, gleaming amber of my eyes was the most obvious change, but my nose was more pert, my skin smoother, my lips fuller, my brows sleeker. _What a babe,_ I chided myself. The corner of my lovely new mouth lifted at the thought.

"Don't smirk like that, you little vixen. All of this comes with a price, you know," Edward warned. I wasn't in the mood for warnings. I was beautiful, and he was beautiful, and I felt new.

"Yes, I'm well aware. But I feel amazing."

Edward smiled reluctantly at me. "You glow."

I stepped towards him and he wrapped me in his arms, crushing me to him as if I might disappear at any moment.

"I almost lost you. Oh, God, _I almost lost you_," he whispered fiercely, his hot breath against my neck making my skin prickle with sensation. I praised heaven that I had not lost this, this giddiness and wonder and passion he made me feel. His touch still made my skin flush with heat, although I was now just as could as he was. If anything, it was intensified, and I was on fire for him. I stepped away for a moment, struggling to keep my head.

"But you didn't. And now you'll never have to worry about losing me again."

The emotion in his eyes was veiled by the sweep of his lashes, but I could see that the words meant everything to him. He reached for me again, and our lips met in a kiss full trembling with urgency, relief, and rapture. I pressed myself against him and he pressed back, clinging to me, exploring, and for once I knew what it was like to kiss him without fear, without restraint, without the knowledge that we only had a few seconds before it would have to end. Now we had all the time in the world.

He pressed his tongue against the seam of my mouth and I parted my lips to admit him, my cold skin burning at his purr of dark seduction.

"Ahem," came the sound of intrusion from outside the bathroom door. Edward was reluctant to release me, and the sound came again. "_Ahem_!"

I managed to disentangle myself, surprised at my new strength, and turned to sheepishly face Carlisle, Esme, Jasper, and Alice. All but Jasper were sporting barely concealed grins of happiness for us.

"How are you feeling, my dear? It appears you have regained some of your strength," said Carlisle, his hands folded behind his back as he observed me.

"Quite well, thank you," I turned to Jasper. "Oh, and I wanted to thank you, Jasper, for your help with the…transition."

"It was no problem," replied Jasper, giving me a reluctant smile. I smiled back, reaching over and holding tightly to Edward's hand.

"Where's Rosalie?" I asked softly, knowing it wasn't a topic the others cared to discuss just now. But I needed to know. How badly had I interfered with the Cullen family?

"She is gone, for now. Emmett is with her. Bella, I am so sorry about what she did to you. I can't – "

"Don't," I cut Carlisle off. "In the end, it was what I wanted. What's done is done. Are you in contact with them? Rosalie should know that I don't harbor any anger against her."

"Oh, but _I_ do," said Edward, his voice rough with sudden anger. "Quite a lot, in fact."

"Edward, she wasn't herself. She didn't know what she was doing," I argued, touching his shoulder gently.

"She _killed_ you, Bella. She made a choice. I will not pardon her transgressions so casually." Edward's voice was vehement, his stance threatening, his face tempestuous. I shivered at his raw ferocity, and let my hand drop back to my side.

"There isn't any use in arguing," Alice soothed, stepping towards us and putting an arm around me. "We must think of something to tell Bella's parents. We must think of something to tell the whole town."

"Quite right, Alice. Settle down, Edward, save your anger. Rosalie is horrified at what she did, so be content for now that she is torturing herself in your absence."

Edward did not reply. Alice smiled kindly at me, and somehow I knew everything was going to be all right, as long as I had the Cullens to look after me.


	7. Update

All right, guys – I'm very sorry it's taken me this long to update. I recently took on a lead teacher position at my daycare, and it's been taking up most of my time. I have not forgotten this story, nor have I abandoned it, I promise!

The rub is that I just finished _New Moon_, and now when I go back to add to my story it all feels really outdated or something. It's obviously way off canon, not to mention that I've somewhat written myself into a corner.

I've been thinking of starting from scratch, redoing the story to allow for the new events that took place in _New Moon_. I know the book has not been released everywhere, so there would be the issue of spoilers.

If you have an opinion either way, let me know. Just be aware that if I start anew, I'll probably update more often. :) And of course, thanks again for all your encouraging reviews! And an even bigger thank you to the people who let me know where I screwed up. I really, really appreciate it!

Campbell


	8. Thin Air

AN: Okay…I decided that I'm better off finishing what I started, whether it's consistent with NM or not. Besides, rewriting the entire thing seems like a much too daunting task at this point. I appreciate everyone's input!

Also: this chapter came up a bit short, mostly because it started getting late and I have to get up at 6:30 tomorrow morning. But it's an update, at least, and I promise more soon. :)

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The thought of my parents took my enthusiasm level down several notches. What was I going to do about my parents? Telling them the truth was completely out of the question. It would do more harm than good in the end.

I began to realize that my best option was to simply vanish. The thought broke my heart. How could I do that to the people that raised me? I was their only child. To simply vanish into thin air…

I didn't worry too terribly about Renee. She was newly married. She'd already mentioned that she wanted to have more children. It would kill her, but she would survive, rebuild. But Charlie…this would devestate Charlie. I was the only family he had. Who would feed him, wash his clothes, keep the house together? Not to mention that Renee would surely hold him responsible for letting something happen to me. He would be miserable.

I realized that the idea didn't affect me as much as I thought it should. My father's pain was something distant to me, something trivial and fleeting. Something that would never really involve me personally. I was disturbed by my detachment from the situation.

"I could just say I had some work done. I'm not that much paler, at least," I suggested, only half-joking.

"Such excuses invite far too many questions, Bella," protested Edward. "I don't think there's any legitimate way to explain the changes you've endured."

He was right, I knew. There was a sadness in his eyes as they met with mine, and I already knew how things would have to be.

"Why can't she just write a note to her father? Tell him that we're leaving and she's going with us. That she wanted to tell him in person but she was afraid he'd try to stop her," suggested Alice, trying to find the middle ground.

"You honestly think that would stop him from looking for me? He'd spend the rest of his life trying to hunt me down. The least I can give him is a little closure."

"Bella, without a body, he'll never get closure. You'll always be missing. You'll always be his lost child," Carlisle told me, his gentle tone contradicting his cruel words.

"There's no way to do this without hurting them, is there?" I concluded, more of a statement than a question.

"I'm afraid not," confirmed Carlisle. "But they both have things to live for. They will move on."

"So I'm just going to…disappear."

"That'll be the simplest way," agreed Carlisle.

Edward put his arms around me as I released a deep sigh.

"What a mess," I muttered, leaning into his embrace. "But all right."

"We do what we have to," sighed Alice, giving my upper arm an encouraging rub. "You'll forget. That's what keeps us going, really. We just…forget."

I nodded, feeling somewhat empty. "I'll forget."

The Cullens erased the evidence of their existence at an impressive pace. After the slate was wiped clean, the plan was for the eight of us to board a flight to Anchorage, Alaska; from there we would travel to Homer, where we could start over. Since winter was approaching, it would be the safest (and darkest) place for us to settle in.

It was odd thinking of myself and the Cullens as "us." It was always _them_ – what was safest for _them_. _They_ had to hide from the daylight. I began to realize that all of this applied to me now as well, and an odd pit began to form in my stomach. Was I regretting this? Surely there was nothing to regret, especially if death was my other option. It was simply a new challenge I would have to rise to.

But suddenly, I wanted nothing more than to wake up in my own bed, with Charlie awkwardly patting my back and telling me it was all just a nightmare.

I shivered at the yawning ache that was growing inside me, and jumped a little when I felt Edward's arm slide around my waist.

"It's hard at first, realizing what you are. It'll pass," he reassured me, his voice soft and sweet against my neck.

"I'm fine," I protested, pushing the lonely, empty thoughts away. This was still what I wanted. Because thoughts of Edward visiting me in a nursing home were far lonelier and emptier.

"You will be," he said quietly, brushing a strand of my hair – now soft as silk – off my shoulder. "I love you," he added, almost as an afterthought, as he pressed a kiss to the hinge of my jaw.

I knew he did, but he said it so rarely that the words sent a thrill through me. "I love you, too," I reciprocated, letting my eyes flutter closed as his mouth explored the sensitive skin of my neck.

"It's odd, you know. You've lost most of your scent. It's almost like…I have a cold. I can't smell you hardly at all."

"Oh," I murmured, slightly alarmed. Any hint that he might love me any less because of the change scared the wits out of me. The possibility that my scent had made up most of his attraction towards me was distressing.

"I'm still mad about you, silly girl," he chastised, seeing the worried look on my face. "In fact, it's much better now. Less painful, to be around you. I like it."

I relaxed and turned my face to kiss him, delighted with the ability to do so without risking my life. His mouth was smooth and pillowy under mine, like the give of an overripe plum. He held my head between his hands as if I were still so easily broken, and I fisted my hands in his shirt with frustration, wanting to truly feel him. I wanted him to touch me firmly enough that I could still feel it after his fingers left my skin. I wanted to finally see the passion he guarded so well flare to life in his eyes.

I wrapped my hand firmly around the nape of his neck to show him, but he immediately began to pull away.

"Bella, by God, this isn't the time or the place to encourage me. I might not be in danger of breaking you anymore, but I am very much in danger of ravishing you on our dining room table, and that would more than likely get both of us kicked out of the family."

I felt my cheeks flush with all the human blood that was left inside me, and I looked away, suddenly shy. Only now did I realize the safety our old relationship had promised; that I had secretly taken comfort in the fact that we couldn't share more than a few pecks before having to stop. All this talk of ravishing made my stomach flutter with new, strange, frightening feelings.

It was a little bit of a shock to realize that nothing, not even Edward, was truly safe anymore.


	9. Home Sweet Homer

AN: Wow, two updates within 6 days of each other….how responsible of me. I suppose reading NM boosted my motivation some.

So I know a few of you pointed out to me that I had a few canon contradictions in the chapter where Bella is changed (the color of her eyes, the fact that she was fed animal blood while changing, etc). I _do_ plan to go back and fix these things, but I don't know when I will be able to, so forgive me. Please continue to let me know if you discover canon or continuity errors (as well as others)…there are a lot of details to keep up with when it comes to Stephenie Meyer's vampires, and I know will be making constant mistakes. So thanks. :)

And another huge thank you to all you wonderful reviewers! You've made a tough week much more pleasant. So thanks again.

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The ride in the puddle jumper we took from Anchorage had more than its fair share of turbulence, but the staggering scenery below us was enough to distract me. It took some getting used to, the idea that even if this so-called plane hit the ground at top speed, I'd be able to walk away unscathed. So in spite of my newly acquired immortality, I still squeezed Edward's hand a little harder every time the plane gave a little shake.

"Look at those mountains," sighed Alice, who was sitting in the row behind us. I gazed down at the mountains with her, mesmerized by the snow-tipped peaks that stretched above the clouds below us.

"Fantastic," I agreed, pressing my nose against the plastic window in an effort to see more.

As I preoccupied myself with the landscape, I realized I was avoiding the questions I needed to ask Edward. He sat beside me peacefully, his golden-tipped lashes lightly brushing his white cheeks as he rested his eyes. The cold fingers of our hands laced together on the armrest, and I gave him a little squeeze.

"Edward?"

"Mmm?" He replied, his eyes remaining closed.

I started with the question that had been nagging at me ever since I learned we were slipping away to Alaska. "Where we're going…will there be others? Like us, I mean?" For some reason, the word 'vampire' was still difficult to say, even now that I was one.

He set his amber eyes on me, his gaze reassuring. "Just us. It is true that there are covens here, because of the abundant darkness in the winter time, but most of them, but most of them are settled north of the Arctic Circle, where it is dark twenty-four hours a day. Besides, there are very few that follow our diet."

I absorbed this, admittedly relieved. The idea of living with strange vampires before I even knew how to be one myself did not appeal to me at all.

"Speaking of diets," I pressed on. "I haven't exactly felt…hungry yet. Is that – I mean – is that right?"

Edward nodded, brushing his lips over my knuckles. "Quite right. You'll be full of human blood for some time, so we won't need to worry about feeding you for a few weeks. You'll know when you're ready. It's unmistakable."

I accepted his answer with a nod, falling silent for a few moments before a new question crossed my mind. "Rosalie and Emmett – "

"Carlisle extended an invitation to her. Against my will, I'd like to add. So far, she is to ashamed to speak to any of us, but Emmett is with her."

After that, Edward's jaw went tense with anger, and I didn't try to ask any more questions.

Despite my misgivings, the plane landed safely as scheduled in a tiny local airport a few miles away from the house Carlisle had purchased. In spite of the fact that I had lived in Seattle for more than a year, Alaska was _cold_. It was not unexpected, of course, but I was surprised at how little it affected me. I lived for the searing dry heat of Arizona, but somehow the thirty-degree late October weather in Homer was now just as comfortable.

It took three cabs to haul the six of us and our belongings to our new home, as Carlisle had not arranged for the cars to be flown with us to Alaska. For the Cullens, it was easier to simply buy new ones.

I couldn't get over how absolutely stunning this town was. Despite its unassuming name, the more I saw the lower my jaw dropped. The road we took ran along the shore, allowing us a spectacular view. Massive snow-covered mountains distantly bordered the dark blue waters of the bay, and I was entirely captivated. There was something about the place that reassured me, that promised we would find happiness here.

"Oh, Edward," I murmured, giving his hard thigh a light squeeze. "It's incredible."

He smiled. "It is rather picturesque, isn't it?" he commented, his fingers idly stroking the nape of my neck. "We might have to go for a swim tomorrow. Carlisle says our new house comes with a private beach, and I want to see the sun on your skin."

"Swimming?" I hissed, lest the driver overhear. "Have you completely _lost_ it?"

He glanced quickly at the cabby, then leaned over to whisper in my ear, "Not in the least. You forget that subzero water temperatures don't effect you anymore."

"Oh. Right," I muttered, pleased with the realization.

"Skinny-dipping, perhaps? I hear the cold does marvelous things to certain…bits."

I gasped, feeling the blood rush to my face. "Stop it! What has gotten into you?"

He eyed me slyly and leaned over to whisper again. "Do you know how badly I've longed to touch you without fear? I mean, as long as what's done is done, you can't possibly blame me for enjoying it…" He let his sentence trail off, his fingers tracing the shell of my ear and leaving me gaping at him.

"Behave yourself," I finally commanded, pretending rather unconvincingly to be offended.

He relented with a cocksure grin, and the remaining fifteen minutes to the house went by in his amused silence. I sat quietly, feeling a new, odd sort of thrill pulsing over me as I envisioned the bridle that held his ardor in check slipping away, leaving nothing but him, me, and whatever love held in store for us now. My frozen heart stirred at the idea.

A moment later the cabs turned off the paved road, and we traveled well into the woods, turning onto a stylishly cobbled driveway that led up to the main house, of which I could only make out the roof.

Once our things were unpacked and we were left to our own devices by the cabbies, we all turned to face the house, as if greeting it. I felt a stab of guilt at the idea that I was the reason the Cullens had to leave their old home at all. They would never say it aloud, but all the same, I was responsible for uprooting them. I decided right then that I would do everything I could to make this work, because I knew I wouldn't be able to bear it if they ever regretted their decision to accept me into their family.

"It's…small," commented Alice, looking skeptically at the modest Craftsman-style house that stood before us.

I begged to differ. To me, the place was huge – and beautiful. A large front porch extended from the front, supported by large, stone-based pillars. But it was the backdrop of jagged white mountains that made me certain that I would fall in love with this place. The house was nestled a little ways into the trees, but not so far in that you couldn't see the magnificent stretch of sea beyond it. The withering purples and reds of the sunset glittered across the surface of the water, the waves flashing warmly as they lapped lazily at the rocky shore.

"There are seven bedrooms, Alice, and everyone has their own bathroom. Not to mention the thirty acres of land the house sits on. We'll be able to hunt without ever leaving our property," comforted Carlisle, leading the way up the broad stone steps that led to the front door.

"It's fantastic," I muttered softly to Edward, slipping my hand into his. He grinned at my enthusiasm.

"I like it too," he agreed, giving my hand a brief squeeze. We followed the others inside, and I was surprised to find the house already furnished. I noticed that it wasn't exactly in the Cullen's typical style.

"How quaint," remarked Jasper, reaching up to test the authenticity of the gigantic gaping fish that had been mounted above the front door.

Esme laughed. "We'll redecorate, of course. But I don't know…the whole hunting lodge look could grow on me."

"No way!" protested Alice, shooting Esme a horrified look before realizing that she was being teased.

"Humans," muttered Edward, shaking his head fondly. "How appallingly barbaric, mounting animal carcasses to the wall."

"More barbaric than bloodsucking?" I inquired slyly, hoping my humor wasn't overstepping my bounds.

Edward chuckled. "Touché," he conceded. "C'mon. Let's check out the second floor." He pulled on my hand as he started upstairs.

The first door we came to led to a spacious bedroom with a vaulted ceiling and a boastful floor-to-ceiling window that framed the magnificent view. Strangely enough, I found myself looking longingly at the bed. How wonderful it would feel to be able to sleep after such an ordeal! My mind had a hard time comprehending the idea that I would never be able to sleep again.

"I miss sleep," murmured Edward, seeming to read my mind. His voice was distant, as if he was lost in his own thoughts. "Being able to simply turn off my thoughts for a few hours. I hardly remember…" He seemed to suddenly remember I was there. "Sorry. There are certain things one misses."

I nodded silently, feeling that tiny, empty pang in my stomach that I used to get when the plane took of for Seattle at the beginning of every summer and I knew that I could no longer choose to go back, and that I would be in Forks for what had seemed like a very long time. I was stuck, and there was nowhere to go but forward.

I hoped like hell that I was strong enough.


End file.
